The 6 Stages of Having a Crush: AND WHAT TO DO!!

How to Deal with a Crush when Autistic

Three Methods:

Crushes are a common sight when going through puberty, and even after puberty is over. However, if you are autistic, the added challenge of having trouble with social interaction and figuring out your feelings can make crushes much harder than most other people make it out to be. While crushes are a normal part of life for many people, it can be tough to deal with them, especially if you're autistic; however, it's possible to get through a crush regardless of the circumstances.


Considering the Situation

  1. .It can be difficult to figure out emotions or feelings if you're autistic, so the first thing to do is to determine if you have a crush on this person. Find a way of sorting out what you feel by writing it out or talking about it with a trusted friend, and look for any key signs that you might have a crush.
    • Does this person cause a jumble of thoughts to come rushing into your head all at once? You could have a crush on them.
    • If you want to spend most of your time with this person, or if something exciting happens and you wish they were there to see it, then you may have a crush.
    • If you stim when excited or nervous, try to keep an eye on how much you're stimming whenever you're around this person. If you start stimming a lot whenever you think of or are around this person, then it's possible you have a crush.
    • If you smile a lot when thinking about them or talking to them, you could possibly have a crush.
    • If you could previously speak somewhat smoothly around this person, and now you're suddenly tripping over your words, or are unsure of what to say all the time around them, you could have a crush.
    • If you are shy around this person and are afraid of the impression you'll give off in conversation, you probably have a crush.
    • If you regularly fantasize about spending time with this person, or even things like dating or kissing them, you definitely have a crush.
  2. Accept your feelings.If you do have a crush, pretending that youdon'thave a crush isn't a very good course of action! While it can seem like a great way of dealing with it, when you eventually end up admitting it to yourself, it'll only end up making it worse. It's important to accept your feelings and recognize how you think of this person.
  3. Realize there's nothing wrong with crushes.Sometimes, crushes can make you feel funny or like there's something wrong with you. It's important to realize that there's nothing wrong with having a crush on someone, and that most people end up getting a crush at some point in their life. As long as you respect the person you have a crush on and don't do anything to intentionally make them uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with liking someone.
    • If youdon'thave a crush, there's nothing wrong with that, either. Not having crushes doesn't mean that you're broken or that there's something the matter with you. It's possible you may be aromantic, or that you don't feel romantic attraction, and there's nothing "broken" about that.
  4. Determine the best course of action.When it comes to crushes, there's a lot of conflicting advice - tell, or don't tell? Be affectionate, or just behave normally? What you choose to do is often dependent on the factors of the situation, but it's usually best to take time out to decipher what you think is best.
    • If your crush is significantly older or younger than you, it may be best to avoid telling them about your feelings or showing affection. You may get taken advantage of, or be viewed as "creepy".
  5. Be wary.Unfortunately, not everyone in the world has good intentions, and it can be hard to figure out whom to avoid—especially if you have a crush. It's extremely important to tell who is a friend and who's not, as confessing your feelings to your crush may open up a window for you to be taken advantage of, and as a result, get badly hurt.
    • Don't take this to mean that you should assume everyone is a bad person. Many people have good intentions, and if they find out you have a crush on them, their initial response won't be to hurt you. However, there are some people in the world with malicious intent and who may want to string you along or play mind games with you. For this reason, be careful about who you associate with.
    • Avoid telling your crush how you feel if they belittle groups of people - for example, if they mock people of a different race than them or use "autistic" as an insult. This person probably isn't the kind of person you would want to be in a relationship with, no matter if you think they like you back or not.

Moving On

If you've decided not to pursue your crush, or if your crush turns you down, here is how to cope.

  1. Recognize that rejection doesn't determine your worth.There are a number of reasons why you could have been turned down: the other person is too busy to date, you aren't their type, they have personal problems to work through, you aren't compatible, et cetera. Just like how you wouldn't want to date every single good person out there, they may reject good people.
  2. Give yourself time to be sad.It's normal to feel a mix of feelings after you lose an opportunity for a relationship. Take some extra "me" time, enjoy your special interests, and allow yourself to cry and watch cheesy TV shows.
    • Thoughts of self-harm and/or suicide are not normal. You don't deserve to feel that way, and you can get help.
  3. Take some space.Spending lots of time around the other person isn't healthy for you, because it will reignite old hurts.
  4. Have fun.Get together with people you enjoy spending time with, do activities that you enjoy doing, and try new activities that you've always wanted to try. Whether your idea of fun is going to the beach with friends, watching movies with popcorn, or working on a novel, go for it. It's good to break the cycle of sadness and do something you can enjoy.
    • Look for activities that can get you out of the house.
    • Loved ones can be a great distraction. Focus on them, how they feel, and what they've been up to. This can give you a break from your own problems.
    • Learn a new skill, whether it's baking cookies or speaking another language.
  5. Talk to someone about your feelings.Turn to a family member, friend, or mentor whom you trust. They can help by offering a listening ear and helping you work through your feelings.

Flirting and Dating

  1. Start flirting.When you flirt, watch them and see if they smile, look pleased, and/or flirt back. This can help you tell whether they are interested in you too. If they are uncomfortable, tone it down or stop. You may naturally have an idea of what to do, and here are some options:
    • Look at them from across the room, and smile.
    • Find ways to touch them, like fixing their hair, picking lint off their shirt, or touching their arm. (Don't "trap" them, though; some people don't like touching.)
    • Smile.
    • Play with your hair.
    • Face your crush, and use open body language.
    • Compliment them once or twice.
    • Keep it light! Avoid smothering your crush with compliments or touching them too much. This can make them uncomfortable.
  2. Watch their reactions and behavior.This will help you analyze if they are responding positively to flirting, and if they like you back. Someone who is interested in you might flirt back, seek you out to talk more, and show signs of embarrassment (such as blushing or looking away) while smiling.
    • A disinterested person might use closed-off body language, avoid your touch, show signs of embarrassment while not smiling, and look away as if planning an escape. Either you are coming off too strong and need to tone it down, or they are not interested and you should stop.
  3. Ask a trusted friend for advice.Sometimes, a person on the outside can be a more objective judge of what exactly is going on here. They can usually offer good advice about whether the other person likes you back, and what to do next.

Community Q&A

  • Question
    I am a girl. I have most of the things in step one around one of my close friends. This has also happened before with other girls. Is it a crush, or just my social awkwardness?
    Top Answerer
    It's okay. You're probably just gay. (You could also be bisexual, or something else!) It's normal for lesbians to get crushes on other girls, and it's also totally normal to feel awkward or tongue-tied around your crush. Things may be confusing at first, but that's nothing to worry about. You will work it out. To help you figure out if you might be a lesbian, check out How to Know if You Are Gay. You may also be interested in our articles on crushes, dating, and same-gender dating. Who knows? Someday, you may have a wonderful girlfriend.
  • Question
    I'm a 7th grader and I have a crush on a really hot girl in my math class, but every time I talk to her I forget what I'm going to say or cannot talk at all. What do I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Ask her for advice on a math problem. After she helps you, ask her a question or two about herself. You could ask what her favorite subject is, who her favorite teacher is, what activities she does after school, etc.
  • Question
    What should I do if my crush's friends use "autistic" as an insult?
    Community Answer
    As vile as it is to use any medical term in a derogatory way, your crush probably won't appreciate you confronting their friends. You could possibly have a word with your crush and ask them to censor their friends a little for you, but this could be a difficult subject, so be prepared for your crush to refuse this request. If they do, then you will have to decide whether or not you want to put up with that in order to continue dating them.
  • Question
    How can I find the right girl if I'm autistic and have a low reputation?
    Mafe Soares
    Community Answer
    Reputation isn't really something that matters. The right person will love you for who you are, Autism included! But be sure to always try to be friendly and work on any faults you might have, and you will be able to show who you are inside!
  • Question
    I have anxiety, and I get anxiety attacks if I try talking to a girl I like. I'm sick of it! Help me! What should I do about my anxiety?
    Top Answerer
    Make a doctor's appointment (or ask your family to do so). Write down your symptoms of anxiety, and show it to your doctor. Then ask your doctor to recommend potential medications and/or a therapist to see. Anxiety disorders are diagnosable, treatable medical conditions that can get better with help. CBT/DBT therapy, meditation, lifestyle changes, medication, etc. may all help you reduce your anxiety. Be patient; it takes a while for therapy to work and it may take a few tries to find the right medication (if any). Anxiety is tough, and it's okay to be stressed. There is a way forward.
  • Question
    I have the feelings described above around one of my close friends. Is it actually a crush, or just a really strong friendship and social awkwardness?
    Top Answerer
  • Question
    This guy talked back to me just for being friends with this one girl who likes me and I feel like I don't need anyone anymore. What should I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Speak to someone you know and trust about this like a teacher or parent. If he spoke to you in a threatening manner then you should tell them that too as no one deserves to be bullied.
  • Question
    I don't get to see her often, but I think she likes me and I really like her. I'm too scared to ask for her number. What's the next best thing?
    Top Answerer
    Flirt. Try some of the flirting techniques in the article, and notice how she responds. Does she smile? Does she do any of the techniques back to you? (If she likes you, and she's shy, she might hide her face while smiling.) This will send her a sign that you're interested in her, and she may take the first step by asking for your number or asking you out. Eventually, you could say something like "I really enjoy our conversations, and I'd like to spend more time talking with you if possible. Could I get your number?"
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